I am a pack rat. I come from a long.. long line of pack rats. My grandmother- a pack rat, my great grandfather a pack rat (he kept his spending journal from when he was at Yale University in 1930.. very cool), my father a pack rat. I have tried in vein to rid my life of the useless stuff we have accumulated in the last 8 years of marriage. It is hard. I find any excuse to keep things.. Oh- I will need that _____ because you never know if it will come back in style. I actually moved 4 years worth of Vanity Fair (you never know when that great article is going to come back in your head and you need to reread) and Martha Stewart Living from NOLA to Texas.
However, I am great at telling other people "if you haven't worn it in 1 year- get rid of it". Such was the case when my cousin was moving from NYC to SLC. I was nannying for her at the time and we were trying to pack and clean at the same time. She had this green shirt.. like a neon green shirt. It was cute, but I knew she would never wear it again. So- I convinced her to discard the baby. Can you believe that 6 months later the color was back in style and my name was mud.
So- I have found myself in a predicament. My issue- the picture above is the coursework from my masters. Adam and I are trying to rid our lives of useless stuff before the move. He has already gone through and discarded almost every magazine, journal, etc.. prior to the move. I however, cannot even part with my Martha Stewart. The HORROR. So- when it came time to clean out the bins of books and college course material we still have I became alarmed. Truly alarmed. The reason- I have attached some deep seeded notion that if I throw these things away, I am also discarding my hopes and dreams of one day working/volunteering/whatever in the environmental arena. Ridiculous I know, but it almost feels like I'm throwing in the towel, giving up and admitting that this will probably never happen.
It wasn't like I really tried super hard to find a job in the field. I did an internship at the Agency for Toxic Substance and Disease Registry (total shock), I applied for several Biohaz jobs and whatnot in Texas, but I knew deep down- I would never be the right candidate, because I didn't have the science in my transcripts (political science major). I was amazed at the onset that Tulane actually let me enter the environmental science department in the first place. So- I ended up finding a job that suits me, in the public health field, but not in my area of expertise (if I can actually say that) and not my end all job. I am a creature of habit. I got comfortable and never looked into switching jobs. I think this is why I am faced with this horrible task. I realize I am being dramatic, and am probably attaching my pack rat mentality to the whole thing, but I can't help feeling sad. I can't help regretting not going for it and finding something I'm truly passionate about. I know myself well enough to know that down the road (although hopefully not a full time job) I will want to find something that I can do to keep ME. I'm sure I will come to terms. Maybe I will only get rid of the stuff that wasn't part of my department, but the required curriculm. Who knows. I guess I should learn that I need to take a leap of faith more often. For me-- easier said than done.
7 comments:
I seem to not have been given that gene. I on the other hand am constantly getting rid of stuff and feeling the greatest feeling of relief. I think it is due to the fact of dad and all the clutter. Something I have done is I have clear large envelopes for me and each of the kids, I put the stuff in there that I know I will want. Than after that if it does not fit, and it becomes more precious it must take the place of something. I heard once that it is not the memory. So I will take pictures of things, just so I can see it, but not have it take up space. Why not go through the magazines and scan those you really love, than just get rid of the huge magazine. Or I also have binders of magazine articles I have ripped out, put them in chronological order and by theme, than I can find it really quick, no reason in keeping the whole magazine. Would you like me to come down and help, I have helped declutter many homes, and love to do it. Believe me, it will free a part of you that you never knew you had, you will be able to find the thing you love the most, and the memories will be better.
And I know you, you are also one of the most driven people I know. It will not mean you are giving up.
I agree with Katie, spend an evening watching movies (the BBC Pride and Prejudice perhaps) and gather all your old magazines and go through them and tear out the pictures and articles you love, then recycle the rest. I held on to my Martha Stewart's for years too, but man they're heavy to move. As for the college stuff that's a tough one. I still have lots of my notes and things in a big box in the garage and cant' seem to throw them out either, but I haven't looked at them in 10 years so perhaps I'm ready to recycle. It's overwhelming no matter what, so good luck with whatever you end up doing.
I've missed you Lara! How funny, because we are moving too, I have faced the exact same dilemma. IN FACT, we are probably having the very same dilemma over the very same coursework. What class did we have together? So here's what I ended up doing . . . for whatever its worth. Some of the info is already dated and when it comes to the time I will actually use it--it will be way outdated(i.e. many of your research papers) The coursework and books that I felt had timeless, useful information, I kept. I actually was surprised how much I threw out. And remember, there is a time and season for all things. We have put off those ideal career pursuits for just the time being. They will still be there when we are ready. I truly believe this.
You are so funny. I am so like this too. I hang on to everything thinking one day of course I will use. And the funny thing is, like you, I also give such great advice about getting rid of unused items that I never follow. Good figure.
Of course I am getting better since we moved. I have tried using the flylady way. Check her out at flylady.com. She has a great way of decluttering your life/house. Now I just need to work on cloths. I hang onto them for way too long.
I am a big pack rat too Lara. I still have my student teaching lesson plans, as well as all of my lesson plans from teaching, although I am certain that a situation could not arise that would cause me to go back to teaching. And yet, I cannot throw them away. I've been doing purges of areas of the house, but I still seem to accumulate new stuff to take the place of the old stuff. I'd never thought of it the way you described it though, as discarding your hopes and dreams, perhaps. Or my identity. I know when I totalled the Accord I was so sad, even though I was getting a brand new car, the accord was the LAST thing I owned from before Dave that was mine alone. Everything else was ours. I felt like that car was the last link to my past, just me. Silly. Amy W. taught me to do "tear pages" in magazines, like Katie said, so I've been doing that ever since. Our Ronald McDonald House recycles magazines as a fundraiser, perhaps yours does, so you could clean up and do something altruistic to boot?
Girlie Girl, I am so proud of you and all that you have accomplished. I tell everyone I know that you worked and went to Tulane at the same time, while pursuing your Masters degree. I always make sure to tell them that you graduated from a "school" with the name Tropical Medicine in it. They always oohh and aahh with me because of how amazing you are-- how many people do you know with a master's degree like yours?(I'm being serious) You have always been someone who goes up and beyond and over and through. It makes me sad to think that for even one second, you would feel like a quitter. You have done more with your life in the last 31 years than most people do in a lifetime. I have always admired and looked up to you. I know that you will continue to succeed at whatever comes your way and that you will continue to make the world a better place. I love you!
-YOUR SISTER (J)
I struggle with this same thing. My sister purges constantly and won't bring home anything unless she knows where she's going to put it. If there's not enough room, she forces herself to get rid of something else. My husband and I have been going through each room of our house using the Clean Sweep techniques, but somehow by the time we've moved onto the next room, the previous one has already acquired more clutter. I don't know the answer. I think I need help!
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