Wednesday, August 20, 2008

I WISH

There have been lots of people that I have admired for their love of life and for always living to the fullest. I've been thinking a lot about LIFE. Maybe I've been more focused because of this post and this post (scroll down to August 17, 2008).

I've always prided myself on trying to make the best and enjoy the moment. When we moved to NOLA just 6 weeks after getting married I jumped in head (yes I know it is feet, but really it was more like head first for me) first and never looked back. I enjoyed every good restaurant, live band, Jazzfest, Mardi Gras, crawfish boil, street car ride I could get my hands on. When we moved to Texas- I took horseback riding lessons and bought a pair of boots. I went to rodeos and the Texas State Fair. I've been to India and Italy (7 months pregnant). I spent 2 whole days in Paris ALL BY MYSELF. I took Lulu on 15 round trip plane rides before her 2nd birthday. I've accomplished many things, but have I really lived? I guess that is up to each individual person, however in many instances I wonder if I just went through the motion and missed the enjoyment. I know, I know- I sound like I'm complaining, but actually I think I'm just more interested in figuring out what I define as living a full life.

Some thoughts: I will admit, as I've told many fellow bloggers, my blog is not a representation of myself. Well, it is and it isn't. I'm much more cautious about what I post. Instead of posting about a bad week I just don't post. But, I think the more accurate explanation is that I don't like the person I am when I let life or negative issues get me. I'm not saying I want this picture perfect life, but I think I would like to figure out how to better manage life. How to recognize issues and deal with them, rather than worry about them. Who cares if my house is a mess- Lulu wants me to be the prince in her pretend world. See, in todays world, I would tell Lulu she needed to wait or just pretend she has a prince. In my imaginary life I would be the kind of mom that drops everything and plays with her. I understand that things need to be done and houses need to be cleaned, but right now.. really.. right now? Lulu will turn 5 in 8 more months and no longer want me as the prince- I'm pretty sure I can spare 1 hour to play. I guess that is why I'm always trying to figure out how to be "FREE". Free from needless worry, free from impatience, free to be the best version of myself, free to live.

One of the things I love about blogging is glimpsing into the lives of others. Call me a bit of a voyeur, but I like having a look at how others navigate through life. This week I've thought a lot about the things I think are the signs of a life well lead. These are things I wish for myself:

I want to LOVE MY LIFE like: NieNie
I want to be an artists like Natalie Erwin,Emily Martin, Stephanie, Sophie, Eva
I want to be a mother like Jordan, Carrie, Ruth
I want to love nature like Rebecca
I want to care about others like Tasha
I want to be outgoing like Jill
I want to enjoy photography like Amy M, Amy, Candice
I want to be funny like C Jane
I want to learn to decorate like Amy
I want to be knowledgeable like Kaycee
I want to be truly honest (so honest that you just don't care) like Brent
I want to be creative like Sarah Briggs, Kristi, Michelle
I want to be faithful like Heidi
I want to be adventurous like Kathryn

It isn't that I want to be the person, but I want to find my own version. I want to take risks, see the world through less pessimistic eyes, and be FREE.

9 comments:

Tasha said...

I've thought so much about how I am really LIVING my life this week too. Its impossible not to.

Thank you for your sweet compliment Lara. I miss you tons and tons.

wandering nana said...

It amazes me that you don't think you take chances, that you are very creative, that you are funny, that you don't say what you think, that you pretend with LU, that you can't decorate. You are the person you admire on someone else's list... and it's not just because I'm your mother that I'm saying this. As a child you were the one that worried about everyone and made sure others were okay... you were the little mother... Others wanted to be you. Others admire you more than you think because of the way you are living life.

brent said...

There you go, with your backhanded compliments. "So honest you don't even care?" That's code for "He's a tactless bastard who is emotionally insensitive."

And it wouldn't hurt so much if the truth wasn't that I am perhaps the most empathetic SOB I know. I mean, people line up to tell me their problems.

TX Girl said...

Brent- if the shoe fits.

TX Girl said...

I need to add- I'm quite proud you made it through that ENTIRE post. You are one empathetic SOB.

Heidi said...

I've always thought you've lived life to the fullest and that you try to enjoy every day! I have always wished I had your spontenaety (sp?) and humor. I was actually just thinking about you today of all of the places you've been, friends you have in all neck of the woods - you have certainly out-done anything I have on my "bucket" list! I have definitely pondered about this Living Life thought a lot lately since the Nie Nie blog, the Daily Scoop blog, and the recent tragedies in our family as well. I'm really trying harder... You are a great example to all of us!

Jordan said...

I think many of us and our thoughts are resting on the same page...I echo your sentiments exactly!

Hammy said...

I want to be loyal like Lara. I don't know anyone who is as loyal to their friends and as willing to drop anything and everything to help their friends. Your thoughtfulness, creativity, energy, and zeal constantly amaze me.

michelle said...

Oh, Lara! I could have written this exact post! (But I would have had a line linking to YOUR blog. I want to be entertaining like Lara.)